St. Louis Woman Magazine - Writing the Wrongs

Who’s Pulling Our Strings? Women's obsession with thinness

2009-10-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

Ladies, we’ve become puppets. Mere marionettes with strings attached to our shoulders, limbs and, yes, even our heads.

There’s no other way to explain our obsession with thinness and starving ourselves — which evidently has reached the breaking point with the latest news coming out of the fashion world.

It appears the powers that be at Ralph Lauren don’t think their anorexic models are thin enough. That’s why they took it upon themselves to digitally alter a photo of a 5-foot-10 model that weighs in at a mere 120 pounds — to make her appear about 40 to 50 pounds thinner.

And because it’s unlikely that the real model wouldn’t be able to lose those 40 to 50 pounds without falling over dead, they fired her. At least that’s the reason model Filippa Hamilton gives on why she was given the pink slip. Filippa, who had worked for the company since she was 15, said, “They fired me because they said I was overweight and I couldn’t fit in their clothes anymore.”

Bloggers at BoingBoing.net spotted the ad with the alien-thin version of Filippa in an international magazine and cried foul.

Ralph Lauren, of course, claims the image was “mistakenly released.” For anyone who knows the process of getting an ad from the drawing board to print, this seems to be a pretty far-fetched excuse.

But after all the uproar dies down about the Ralph Lauren ad where does that leave us — really?

I predict we will forget how indignant we were. We always do.

Remember our disbelief at the anorexic-looking Kate Moss? Our outrage lost steam and the downsizing of all models began.

Do you vaguely remember the campaign to get more realistic-looking models on the runways and magazine layouts? It fizzled. According to Kate White, editor in chief of Cosmo, who appeared on the Today show recently, if you’re not a size 0 or a size 2, forget about a career in modeling. By the way, Filippa wears a size 4.

The bottom line, according to White, is that nothing is going to change until women protest — and then actually do something to back it up.

As a collective whole, Kate says, we purchase magazines with skinny cover girls in far larger numbers than those featuring women who look like the average-sized woman.

We complain a lot about how damaging these anorexic images are to our girls and to us, yet we continue to idolize them and quietly obsess about our own weight, our definitions of beauty and our inability to fit into skinny jeans.

All of which begs the question: Just who is pulling our strings?
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by Shari Scales Finnell

Behaving Badly

2009-09-16T09:08:00.001-07:00

First it was the “You lie!” heard around the televised nation by Rep. Joe Wilson of South Carolina. Then Serena Williams let loose a volley of threats at an official during a U.S. Open match. Next up was the Kanye madness at the MTV Video Music awards.

And that was just what... one week?

What’s next?

If I had to guess, I’d say plenty.

Remember back in the day when “sportsmanlike” conduct was EXPECTED? Taken for granted … whether it was a Little League baseball game or a professional basketball game with a championship on the line?

John McEnroe used to be in a class all by himself when he ranted and raved during tennis matches. It was a thing to behold … watching a grown man act like a two-year-old. The same with former Indiana University basketball coach Bobby Knight’s antics of flinging chairs and losing control during basketball games. He, too, was in a class by himself.

Since then, the offenses have been piling up. You can barely get through a week’s worth of news without hearing about an athlete getting fined for offensive behavior.

After this week’s worth of bad behavior, Serena Williams got fined the maximum penalty of $10,000. Rep. Wilson was officially admonished in a House resolution for his outburst during President Obama’s speech… and Kanye? Well, his penalty has amounted to publicly apologizing for boorishly stealing the spotlight from country singer Taylor Swift.

But I have a feeling those penalties are highly unlikely to put a stop to bad behavior — in any arena … sports, political or otherwise.

There’s that publicity thing. You know what I mean. “Any publicity is good publicity.” Or as, Oscar Wilde once put it: “There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is NOT being talked about.”

As long as these characters get plenty of media coverage, (yep, that includes me, I guess), there will be plenty of people behaving badly.

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by Shari Scales Finnell

What’s Wrong with this Picture?

2009-09-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

It’s not my imagination. Movie previews are starting to become bigger than the movies themselves.

That became crystal clear during the holiday weekend when I finally decide to carve out some time to take the two smaller Finnells to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

We scramble to get to the theater in plenty of time - even though we know that the 1:05 p.m. showing of Harry Pottery is more likely to start at about 1:20 or 1:25. We just don’t want to miss those glorious previews.

And glorious they are.

The preview of Avatar seems to be shown in real time... like a full 3-minute segment of the movie, instead of a series of excerpts. There’s a funny clip of Despicable Me — again showing a full excerpt of the animated movie. Those are accompanied by previews of New Moon, 2010 and about three or four other promising films.

By the time the “real” movie starts up, my son turns to me and asks, “What movie are we seeing again?” I give him a funny look and don’t answer, because I assume he’s just joking.

Then I realize he’s not alone.

A boy sitting directly in front of us turns to the woman sitting next to him and asks the same question: “What movie are we seeing?”

Just then my son shoots me a look that says, See, I’m not the only one!

To cap off all the madness, a little girl sitting on the woman’s right starts whining, “I’m ready to go home!”

The girl, who seemed to be about 5 or 6 years old, obviously thought she already had had enough entertainment for the day after sitting through all those previews.

After a couple of minutes of more whining, I turn around to see if I can find another set of seats, because I know it’s going to be a long afternoon. Really long. The girl has no idea that the movie we’re about to see has a running time of 2 ½ hours — 153 minutes to be exact.

It could get really ugly.

But who can blame her? I could have walked out at that point, feeling pretty satisfied that I had gotten at least one or two bucks worth of entertainment value.

I’m not complaining. I like previews. They’re like tasty appetizers. But I’m starting to worry that previews are heading in the direction of movies. At one time, you could expect a movie to wrap up in 1 ½ hours unless it was a major epic like Gandhi, Titanic or The Lord of the Rings. Movies more than two hours in length are now becoming the norm.

When NBC aired a 7 1/2-minute long preview of Spiderman 3 a couple of years ago, it seemed to be a foreshadowing of things to come. You know some production company is just itching to top that.

Oh... my verdict of the movie Half Blood Prince? Mildly scary.
Long previews? Really, really scary.

Too long? Just right? Or a necessary evil to keep you coming back to the theater? What are your thoughts about movie previews?

Leave your comments here or on our FaceBook page.

by Shari Scales Finnell

Sugarcoating the Realities? Ten Kennedy’s Chappaquiddick tragedy, Chris Brown’s felony assault & Philip Garrido’s rape-release-kidnapping.

2009-09-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

In the midst of the celebration of Ted Kennedy’s life, including the daylong CNN specials, I couldn’t help but think about an art assignment I had back in my teen years.

“Draw a caricature of a famous person,” my high school art teacher instructed my class.

For some reason, I came up with the idea of drawing Ted Kennedy. I can’t remember why, but I decided to sketch the political figure — in classic large-headed caricature style — sitting in a boat with a large grin on his face as he paddled away from a sinking car. It was my wry take on the 1969 Chappaquiddick tragedy.

Evidently, the “incident” as it now frequently called, boggled my teenage mind. That’s most likely because I, like many other people, didn’t feel that Kennedy’s punishment for leaving the scene of a fatal accident was sufficient.

I mentioned the assignment to a friend the other day. “I must have been really cynical back then,” I told her.

After thinking about it later, I thought about my comment. “What’s so cynical about expressing my thoughts about what I considered to be a lack of justice in the Chappaquiddick case?”

Though I don’t believe a person should be judged for their past mistakes for the rest of their lives, I also don’t believe we should sugarcoat reality.

Chris Brown

Today’s reality paints a picture some disturbing trends in crimes related to the victimization of women. Chris Brown, who pleaded guilty to felony assault, still gets to play the part of a celebrity by appearing on Larry King Live this week.

Then there's Philip Garrido, who was sentenced to 50 years to life in federal prison for the 1976 brutal rape and kidnapping of a woman in Nevada. The victim, who went through an 8-hour ordeal, thought the soonest Garrido would get out was 2006. Instead he was paroled in 1988 — three years before he kidnapped a little girl and held her for 18 years. I’m sure the question eventually will come up as to why a 50-year-to-life sentence was reduced to 11.

Philip Garrido

In the meantime, statistics indicate that there are thousands and thousands of other similar cases that will never hit the news. According to the National Institute of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, 1 in 6 women in her lifetime will be sexually assaulted. Only 6 percent of rapists will ever spend a day in jail, partly because 60 percent are never reported to law enforcement officials.

Also, 12 million women — 25 percent of the female population — will be abused in their lifetime, according to the Mental Health Journal.

It almost seems to be too much to hope for, but I wish the next generation of young girls could be presented with an entirely different picture of what their lives will be like — lives free from
violence and sexual assault.

What are your ideas on addressing the high rate of violence and sexual assault against women? Do you think there’s any chance of diminishing the numbers?

Leave your comments here or on our FaceBook page.

by Shari Scales Finnell

A Tale of Two Football Players Michael Vick & Donte Stallworth / Dog vs. Man

2009-08-18T11:43:00.001-07:00

OK, I know I’m not the only person to notice the irony (or the tragedy) of this, but I have to say something anyway.

It’s simply this: Michael Vicks gets 23 months in a federal prison for running an illegal dog-fighting business. Another NFL player recently runs over a guy while driving drunk and kills him. Donte Stallworth’s punishment? A mere 30 days in prison and 1,000 hours of community service. Oh, and he’s not allowed to get a driver’s license for the rest of his life.

Kill or harm a dog and you get two years. Kill a human being — a pedestrian, at that — and you could just possibly get less than a month in jail.

Of course, a conviction is never simple. We all know it’s judged on a case-by-case basis and the series of circumstances. Unfortunately, it seems your likeability, your ability to hire the best lawyers and, it seems in the case of Stallworth, being able to pay a large out-of-court settlement to the victim’s family also can influence the outcome of your verdict.

But … getting back to the dog and human angle.

There’s no question that Michael Vicks’ treatment of the dogs involved in his scheme was wrong and gruesome. Though I don’t enjoy having a ball of fur underfoot or in my bed, it was still heartbreaking to see the vicious treatment of the dogs. That can only mean that it was understandable why a whole lot of pet lovers were distraught and outraged over the news.

More than two years later, people are still debating whether Vicks is really remorseful about his crime.

But then there’s Mario Reyes: A husband who was married for 20 years, the father of a 15-year-old daughter and a baseball fan. Reyes was crossing the street to get to a bus when he was hit by Stallworth’s car.

Maybe it’s me … but I haven’t heard a whole lot of outrage over the drunk driving accident that took Reyes’ life.

I have one theory. We’re so familiar with the idea of someone getting killed because of drunk driving that it’s no longer a shock to our system. In 2007, more than 41,000 people lost their lives to drunk driving. On the other hand, the news of dogs being brutally harmed because of someone’s sick idea of entertainment is shocking because it is so unfamiliar to many of us.

But whatever the reason for the general public’s unbalanced outrage over the life of a dog compared to the life of a human, you’d think that the scales of justice would tilt more in favor of the loss of a human life.

What are your thoughts? Should Stallworth have been sent to a slammer a lot longer than Vicks?

Leave your comments here or on our FaceBook page.

by Shari Scales Finnell

Looking the PartDiane Schuler, cheeky, happy-looking woman, didn’t look the part of a reckless killer.

2009-08-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

In recent media reports, we learned that the King of Pop didn’t respect the side effects of a powerful anesthetic. He apparently used it to go to sleep about as regularly as some people pop Tylenol PMs.

But Michael Jackson was a bit eccentric. Many of us weren’t all that surprised. He looked like the type that would do something crazy like that.

And the news that cocaine use likely contributed to the heart attack that killed Billy Mays didn’t seem to surprise too many people. I’ve heard one person blandly comment, “No wonder he was so hyper.”

But then there’s Diane Schuler. Devoted mother. The perfect wife. Caring aunt. Responsible manager for a cable company. All these descriptions were made by those who knew Diane and those who apparently thought they knew her.

Even with evidence showing that she was under the influence of marijuana and alcohol — and a whole lot of it, family members refused to believe that she could have consumed the stuff, causing the deaths of eight people when she drove the wrong way on a New York parkway.

They said the erratic behavior that led to the crash must have been caused by a stroke, a heart attack or diabetes. Or maybe a tooth abscess. There also was a lump in her leg that could have caused some type of medical issue. These all were offered as alternative explanation for the crash than the most obvious ones. Like the autopsy report that showed Diane’s blood-alcohol level of 0.19 percent was more than twice the legal limit and that she had high levels of THC (the active ingredient in marijuana) in her system. Or the broken vodka bottle in the demolished vehicle Diane had been driving.

I have to admit that when I saw the family photos of Diane Schuler staring happily into the camera on her wedding day and smiling contently with her children, I would have never pegged her as capable of getting stoned before driving in broad daylight with five kids in the vehicle.

As those around her already have indicated, the cheeky, happy-looking woman in the photos didn’t look the part of a reckless killer.

But, as news stories will continue to remind us, you never know. You really never know.

The latest stories in the Diane Schuler case reveal that the survivors of the three men tragically killed in the head-on crash want to sue her family for their role in the tragedy. They argue that her relatives should have known she was an alcoholic.

Should they be held responsible or not? Even if they were in denial?

How likely was it that they knew she would interrupt her trip home to drink 10 shots of vodka (believed to be what she consumed) and light up a marijuana joint — setting the stage for her own death and those of her daughter, three nieces and three strangers?

Let me know what you think...
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by Shari Scales Finnell

A Weighty Matter Do pounds play a role in how well someone can do his or her job?

2009-07-29T09:07:00.001-07:00

In another life — long before I took on this job –– I recall sitting across from a young man who wanted to work for the company that had hired me just a few years before. My boss at the time asked me to join him for a series of interviews with prospective employees.

Things seemed to be going great for this particular college graduate.

He seemed enthusiastic. He exhibited drive. With a couple of internships under his belt, he seemed confident about his prospects of getting a job with us.

It’s still amazing to me now how fast that look of confidence was wiped off his face. It occurred in a matter of nanoseconds.

My boss, in a friendly enough tone, asked him if he thought he would be up to the rigors of the job, which would require long hours and a demanding work load.

Though I don’t remember the words exactly, he said something along the lines of: “With your weight, do you think it will be too much for you physically?”
The guy’s face immediately deflated as he stammered out an answer that somehow managed to indicate that it wouldn’t be a problem.

I was so shocked by the question I didn’t immediately know what to say to soften the blow.

I was embarrassed for the young man, who likely tipped the scales at about 250 pounds or more on a 5-foot-9 or 5-foot-10 frame. I found myself glancing at the wall to avoid facing the painful look on his face.

After all the dust had settled and the guy had left, I recalled thinking, Is it legal to even ask a question like that?

I still don’t know the answer.

But that interview came to mind recently when Judy K., a friend of mine, posed a question on Facebook.

Why, she wanted to know, were so many critics talking about Regina Benjamin’s weight? Media critics have asked if she’s too plump to effectively serve as our newly appointed surgeon general. They’ve asked, “Is she setting the right example for so many Americans who have problems with being overweight or obese?”

Judy K. made the point that C. Everett Koop also carried around some extra pounds — but no one ever made a fuss about his weight. She wanted to know,

“Is it a gender issue?”

Even if it isn’t a gender issue, it is a weighty issue for millions of Americans. My former boss said it outright. Media critics are now talking about it. Should a person’s weight be a factor in deciding how well she or he can do a job?

Let me know what you think...
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by Shari Scales Finnell

Bad Bananas?  Or are we all just going bananas?  A closer look at the term "Cougar"

2009-07-21T06:42:00.000-07:00

I was planning to write a blog this week about the state of affairs in Iraq. Or something weighty about the significance of a smart Latina possibly becoming a U.S. Supreme Court judge.

I really was.

Instead I find myself gravitating toward a very silly, insignificant subject: cougars.

Yep, cougars, but not the kind you’d find caged up in your local zoo. I’m talking about the terminology that’s been overused to describe older women who date much younger men.

I’m writing about cougars because if I hear another crack about cougars chasing after their young prey, I just might roll my eyes right out of my sockets. Like saggy jeans, the term “cougar” just won’t go away.

The latest offense came when a popular radio host in Indianapolis (Smiley of Smiley in the Morning) recently commented that being with a cougar was akin to eating a lovely banana only to suddenly discover some brown spots.

Thanks for that description, Mr. Smiley Man.

You’d think we would have gotten over the novelty of an older woman dating much younger men years ago — when Demi Moore started making a happy home with Ashton Kutcher, who is 16 years her junior.

But apparently it’s still so, so, so much more shocking than the age gaps that exist between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (47/30); Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones (64/39); Jeff Goldblum and Tania Raymonde (56/21); and Hugh Hefner and whatever dumb bunny happens to be hanging on his arm at any given moment (ancient/still wet-behind-the “bunny” ears).

Despite the hype about all the progress we’re making as a society, an older man and a much younger woman still comes across as the natural order of things — which likely explains why we don’t have a silly term to describe these men.

But flip the script and, apparently, it still comes across as a novelty — a big old hungry cat chasing its prey. Or a bunch of bad bananas thinking they’re hot bananas.

At any rate, I’m starting a petition against our use of that silly little word, cougar.

What do you think?

Leave your comments here or on our FaceBook page.

by Shari Scales Finnell

Selling Sex... aren't we over this? Writing the Wrongs

2009-07-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I felt a little vindicated when Megan Fox admitted her role in the Transformers movies didn’t have much to do with acting.

As I mentioned in my blog last week, I overacted when my 9-year-old daughter casually mentioned that she thought Fox was a good actress — just after we had seen the Transformers sequel.

Needless to say I went off, a bit terrified that my little girl would actually think of Megan Fox as a role model — someone to look up to. I demanded evidence of Fox’s acting ability. My daughter sort of gave me a blank look that translated to “I wish I had never said a word.”

But it turns out Fox acknowledges she didn’t do much acting.

Fox sparked a bit of a media storm after telling Entertainment Weekly that she wasn’t happy with the lack of depth in her roles. “Working with Michael Bay is not about an acting experience,” the 23-year-old was quoted as saying.

The movie director, in turn, told The Wall Street Journal that Fox “says some very ridiculous things because she’s 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do.”
“Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in ‘Transformers,’” Bay added.

Whether it’s just a media ploy to keep her name in the news or not, Fox proved she is no dummy when she brought up this little hot topic. The fact is we are obsessed with looks and sex appeal. And, after decades of thousands of women fighting for respect and equality, it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Actually, it appears to be worse.

And, sorry, Bay. We all know you were thinking about Fox’s pretty face — not her acting abilities — when you cast her as Mikaela. Which also proves you’re no dummy either.

In these times, sex appeal sells. From the movie screen to the political arena, women continue to be extensively judged by their appearance rather than their abilities.
Just think about it:

> How many women can still command starring roles after they passed the age of 60, let alone 40 and 50, like Paul Newman, Richard Gere and Clint Eastwood? By the way, Richard Gere, who is now 60, was named “Sexiest Man Alive” by People Magazine just 10 years ago — when he was 50. Do you honestly think a woman could muster that honor at the age of 50?

> How many times have we heard about Michelle Obama’s arms and fashion choices, and Sarah Palin’s hairstyle, clothes and “cute” factor?

> How often do we read stories about female singers, actresses and celebrities — like Jessica Simpson putting on a bit of weight? Or, for that matter, losing too much weight?

> How many products are sold — burgers, cars, coffee, etc. — with images of sexy women?

It’s nice to envision a time when we really could get over this double standard when it comes to women.

But let’s face it. We’re all smarter than that. It’s highly unlikely it will ever change.

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by Shari Finnell

A Matter of Style? Or Exhibitionism?Writing the Wrongs

2009-06-30T12:08:00.000-07:00

Shari's Birthday Card

This past birthday was one of my best yet. My buds at work placed a big “Happy Birthday” banner over my door, and presented me with beautiful flowers, a gorgeous plant, a catered lunch and a few funky birthday cards.

The card that will definitely go into my memory box has three stern looking women on the front. The elderly women, obviously from a bygone era, are dressed in sensible black-laced shoes and sensible cotton dresses that nearly touch their ankles.

Three bubbles popping from their heads read: “Tramp!” “Tart!” “Hussy!”

The inside message says: “It’s unanimous — you’ve still got it! Happy Birthday!”

I laughed out loud when I read it... and smiled some more each time I glanced at it during the rest of the day.

But isn’t it funny how you perspective can change in just a few days?
Lately, I’ve been feeling like the “Grandmas” pictured in that card.
Let me tell you why.

On a recent trip to a Broad Ripple boutique, I held up a stylish number and commented to the sales clerk, “This shirt is so cute!” The clerk, who looked like she was about 19 or 20, gave me a blank look before replying, “That’s a dress.”

I held it up again. “This is a dress? Really?”

“Yeah,” the young lady replied. “But some women wear leggings with it.”
“Some?”

And just the other day, at a nail salon, another young woman was about to give an elderly man a heart attack as she gave him a pedicure. Her shorts looked like panties and her top had less coverage than a camisole.

OK. I realize styles change. Shorts get shorter. Skirts get microscopic. And necklines leave absolutely nothing to the imagination.

But I’m starting to wonder, What’s next, ladies? Nudity?

My 9-year-old daughter realized too late that I’ve been fuming about this very thing when she innocently said, “Megan Fox is a good actor,” after we had seen the sequel to Transformers.

After seeing Megan Fox teeter, totter and pose in skimpy clothes and pout throughout the film, I can tell you that acting never once entered my mind.
Now, thoughts like “Tramp!” “Tart!” and “Hussy!” did.

I guess you can call me Grandma.

I’m OK with that.

Hmmmm…. What do you think? Are we showing too much flesh? Or is it not a big deal — just a matter of styles coming and going? Leave your comments here or on our FaceBook page

by Shari Finnell